Being Present
This morning I ate sultana bran with bananas on the balcony of my friend's flat. It overlooks Wellington city and the harbour, and the view is beautiful. The breakfast tasted great.
I suppose the reason I blog that is to share how I am increasingly living in the present. You may have heard
"You in the West are always getting ready to live."
I think this is true.
When I get a job, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
If I get that job, when I get a car, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
If I get that car, when I get a house, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
If I get that house, when I get a family, then I will be happy, then I will be living.
...
It is no wonder people have mid-life crises. As a highly priveleged person who is able to wander the world with very few cares, soaking up the sun in some of the most beautiful and friendly places in this world, it's been difficult for me to look to the future in promise of hapiness, or peace. I really have no excuse - if people can be happy, I really should be happy now. Sometime's I've been tempted to look to my next location as the ultimate, the one that will bring me peace and happiness. But I cannot put-off whatever it is, whatever life is, to the next country, because I will eventually run-out of countries to visit.
So over the months I have become more present. I've been influenced by people of the Christian and Buddhist contemplative traditions, and they both agree on this idea. When we eat, let us eat. When we talk, let us talk. When we do the washing up, let us do the washing up. I'm beginning to be able to do these things and focus on them, without my mind planning the rest of the day, or needing to read a book whilst eating. And in appreciating the simple I am peaceful, and happy, and feel that I am alive.
A Change of Scene
Much um-ing and ah-ing has led me to where I'm definitely going to stay here in Wellington, the hip cultural centre of NZ. After a week or searching all round NZ I'm NOT going to work on a farm, which would be lovely but I would miss the cool people you find in a place like here and think my health isn't up to it. And I get better pay in the city. Next week I should be starting legal/medical typing, which could be interesting but will almost definitely be well-paid. I did a typing test on Friday and beat my old average with a staggering 96 words per minute. Please, be in awe of my Herculean typing skills: I am cool.
And now I trade the uncertainty and lost-ness of job hunting for the uncertainty and lost-ness of flat hunting. This is very different to Asia, but I like it and think I can adapt just enough to be happy here.
I'm sorry for the sake of your boredom and my blog that my exciting adventures have calmed down so much; I feel so boring dedicating two whole paragraphs to "I've found a job and am looking for a flat." I'm still a laid-back slightly hippy-ish traveller, but Wellington breathes so much culture that I feel right at home here, still being the me I've become over the last few months.
Questions questions...
After a lovely two and a half weeks in Waiuku, with the very kind Runcimans, I've rolled-up in Wellington. Since getting to NZ I've mainly slept and read, the mix of jet-lag and g-fever has had me pretty whacked out. Highlights include reading "The Rape of Nanking" - about a forgotten massacre in China which people are trying to keep alive in memory, a day out in Auckland, attempting to waterski on the Waikatu, lots of really good food (thanks, Carolyn!). Ah yes, and getting to a Thai restaurant and trying to remember how to order, forgetting, but being greeted with such a smile by the waitress on hearing me exercise my pig-Thai that the Tom Yum Kung tasted ohhhhh that much better.
The trip down was my first experience hitching; it was pretty good. Was never waiting for more than 45 seconds for a lift, I met lots of interesteing people, and I learned that it's possible to drive a car for an hour entirely in fifth gear if you're good enough with the clutch. It wasn't our fault, the car was borrowed!
I'm currently struggling with issues of absence and presence, unrest and peace, interfaith truth or lack of, and such malarky. It's hard to know where to go, and all the old questions of how we know what we know still seem so sorely unanswered. And what makes this worse is that now I have to do something with myself: money is not limitless.
The options are to go and spend a few weeks in the country, working on a farm, and maybe saving little money. Or, to get a city job. I went job-seeking yesterday, but felt so much like a fish out of water that it made me realise maybe flashy suits and big corporations are not what I can handle right now. This leaves the option of staying in Wellington and working in a cool litle cafe or maybe even a Thai restaurant, but I think the wages will be no more than four pounds an hour, which I think is quite low compared to English wages (I can't really remember). So if I want to save money, here is not the place to do it, but I could earn enough to pay my way and have a good time.
But what is having a good time?
Oh dear. I think that the farming job seems most attractive. The value of manual labour for the soul is always underrated, I think, though in reality I wouldn't know.
The big goal right now is to save up £1000 to do a one month language course, after which I can move to Korea and make biggish ish bucks (compared to working in a restaurant) teaching, and quickly remove my overdraft. I'm already about half way there thanks to my Grandmother's generosity. Maybe I can't save that much in NZ, maybe I need to wait till I get back to England, we'll see.
Right now I miss SE Asia - the weather, the people, the food, the beaches, the cost - so much that anything that will get me money to go back there seems like a good idea!
And there you have the state of my travel and my brain.
Happy
On quite a few occasions during this trip I've suddenly realised that I'm very happy. Usually it's quite out of the blue. Right now the rain is beating hard on the windows - though it's still very hot - and I'm contentedly emailing good friends back home and studying Thai. I just feel good; it's as simple as that.
David Brent (or maybe it was Tim) of The Office explains that in life it is hard to tell whether you're riding the peak of a wave or a trough. He says that you only really know you're happy later-on, when you're no-longer happy - then you realise what you had. It's only when you leave the peak that you realise you were on it. And the same goes for the troughs. A close friend just emailed me saying how the sad points in her life make her appreciate more fully the beauty of life, and I agree.
Clearly these ideas are not always true, sometimes we're well aware of being in a good or bad place, but I think that now I'm in the really lucky position of riding a peak in life and knowing full-well that I am.
Here's a photo from Hat Ton Sai, Krabi, Thailand. This was on a walk with Usa, a remarkable lady who gave me a 2 1/2 hour massage (the effects of which I still feel today!) and Too. Please click on the picture to see it full-size, it'll be worth your while!
